Blogging For Endo: The Mental Impact #myendomarch

Living with endometriosis takes a toll in more ways than one. The physical aspects not only affect your physical well being, but it takes a toll on your mental well being as well. I know that I apologize nearly everyday for being a poor wife. I get really depressed because my husband has to pick up so much of the slack. Now mind you, it is slack that he wouldn't have to pick up,if it weren't for me having endometriosis. I feel so guilty that I am so "lazy", though I know that laziness is not the issue. If I could get up and do the laundry, dishes, or vaccuum, I would do it in a heartbeat. Knowing the truth, or the reality, doesn't make it any easier to comprehend or cope with. 

I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety. I know that my endo has something to do with that diagnosis because when you live in such severe pain, it is hard to stay mentally stable. I worry about everything. It is hard to control random thoughts and cope with the consequences of those thoughts. It is extremely hard to make a plan, and stick to it, because every time you make a plan, endo has a different plan set for the day. 

The lack of sleep can also take a toll on your mental well being. I know that I have a really hard time going to sleep. If it isn't the pain keeping me up, it is the thoughts of all the things that I need to get accomplished. Without sleep, your body and mind can't reboot. It slows your thought processes and makes it hard to concentrate. I may not be able to keep my mind on one crochet project at a time, so I do several to keep myself from getting so frustrated. 

The feelings of guilt, loneliness, laziness, pain, and frustration at the situation, takes a toll on all of us. We all have those times that we feel alone and like we can't handle what is being fed to us. We all suffer times of weakness and mental breakdown. We have to remember that we are not alone, no matter how much we feel like we are. We are doing the best that we can, though we feel like we don't get much accomplished. We shouldn't feel guilty for having an illness that takes so much away from us, though I know that is easier said than done. We need to give ourselves a little bit of a break when we are frustrated. Living with endometriosis is not easy, fun, or even bearable most days. We are going to react to our situation and take it out on the people around us. As long as you can catch yourself when reacting to life and apologize for being a "witch", than the people that love you will understand. We all have moments of weakness and that is fine, because we fight like girls! The fight is an everyday battle and no onoe can battle everyday with out a slip or two. 

The mental toll that endometriosis can take on us and our families is almost as significant as the illness itself. We are all strong and we have each other to lean on. We CAN fight this and we WILL prevail one day. When you feel like falling apart, remember you are not alone. Remember that there is someone else out there that is going through the same thing you are and will understand. I remeber that the search for a cure is on going and that is what helps me on the days that I feel like endo is getting the best of me. We will get there one day. 

The #EndoMarch2014 will help us get there! Please remember to go to their website and help us spread awareness about endometriosis. www.millionwomenmarch2014.org 

             

EndoMarch2014

There is a movement to raise awareness about endometriosis and other chronic pelvic issues, on March 13, 2013 all around the world. I am so excited to help spread the word about the EndoMarch2014! The goals of the march are all areas that need attention when it comes to this illness. I will lay out my understanding of the goals and what I think of each one.

The Endo March wants to unite women that suffer from endometriosis and their families and friends. We all know that living with this illness can be trying, to put it politely, at times. As hard as it is for us to live with and through, it can be just as hard for those that love us to watch. The march wants to make sure that we can all meet and find the support that we need. I must say that the march is already accomplishing that goal. Since I found out about the EndoMarch, I have found so many #endosisters and I couldn't be happier about that. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one that has the feelings and fears, and that I will find the support that I need when I feel like I am losing the fight. I am thankful to the EndoMarch for providing me with an avenue to meet and befriend other women that are just like me. This is a goal that will definitely help many of us stay the course and keep fighting

Another goal is to give endo sufferers and their friends and family the ability to speak up and out about endometriosis. If it weren't for this march, I would not have met some special women that encouraged me to write a blog. I keep to myself, due to my illness, and haven't had the courage to speak out about the issues that I have, while trying to live life with endometriosis. I have always been made to feel like it was my issue and I shouldn't speak about it. I know many women that have dealt with the same feelings and the EndoMarch has given many of us the confidence and knowledge to know that it is not just in our heads and it is a real disease, that deserves real attention. 

Another goal is to educate more people about endometriosis and the effects that it has on girls of all ages and their friends and families. If we could educate schools, the courts, and people in general, then maybe women wouldn't continue to get disciplined for things that they have no control over. One way to educate more people is to have public service announcements . You see public service announcements about bullying, diabetes, breast cancer, and so much more. Endometriosis affects more women than breast cancer does and yet it doesn't get the same attention. It is said that you can't die from endometriosis, but that is not true, and I think that is worth bringing attention to. The endometriosis alone may not be lethal, but the side effects and complications from having it can be detrimental to a sufferers health. The mental toll that endo can take is known to cause suicidal thoughts and actions. Dealing with endo can also cause severe anxiety in a large amount of sufferers. I suffer from severe anxiety and it plays a definite part in my mental health while trying to live with and understand how to deal with my illness. I think that public service announcements would shed some light on the real difficulties that women have to endure while living with endometriosis. 

The medical community has an amazing lack of education and understanding of endometriosis. I personally have experienced the lack of education and understanding. I went to a female gynecologist, in February of last year, that told me that I was "normal" and that I was having "regular" cramping, just like many other women experience. I had brought my post op report to show her that I had Stage 4 endometriosis, and she still had no sympathy or understanding of what I was going through. She wrote me a year's prescription of Aleve and sent me home. My husband and I discussed the doctor's visit and we were both disgusted at the lack of understanding of what I was going through. I cried because I didn't think that I was going to get the help that I desperately needed. I luckily found a support group that referred me to Dr. John Dulemba, an endometriosis specialist. Come to find out, I was far from normal. I had one big mass of organs in my abdomen, had advanced stage 4 endometriosis, and adenomyosis. If there was more education about endometriosis and its symptoms, then maybe there would be fewer stories like mine and more stories of women getting the help that could save their lives. Along with education of the medical community, the hope is that there will be more dedication to finding a cure. If it is known that so many women suffer from this illness, and the toll that it takes on so many people, then maybe someone with medical knowledge will be motivated to hunt down a cure. There are many medical professionals dedicating their lives to finding a cure for cancer, diabetes, ALS, and so much more. We need more searching for a cure to the illnesses that have been affecting millions of women for far too long. 

The only way to diagnose and treat endometriosis is to have surgery. Surgery is invasive and can cause other complications, including death. There should be other ways to diagnose this illness if nothing else. Another goal of the EndoMarch is to find non-invasive diagnostic tests and improve health screenings for girls and young women in school. There are many chronic pelvic conditions, endometriosis included, that young women hitting puberty suffer from. If these conditions were caught earlier, then these young ladies would have a better chance at leading a more productive and happier life. Treatments could be administered earlier and the solutions could be found that would not impact their lives so drastically. Some of the treatments currently out there for some of the chronic pelvic conditions are just as harmful, if not more harmful, than some of the illnesses themselves. Going with out a proper diagnosis can cause these illnesses to become exacerbated and inflict unnecessary pain and suffering. We all deserve to find help for the illnesses that complicate and interrupt our lives. We deserve the ability to make choices in life and not have our illnesses make them for us. 

There are private and government organizations that can help with funding the search for a cure, non-invasive testing, and public awareness. The National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS), The Center for Disease Control (CDC), and the Surgeon General are particular governmental institutes that are crucial to work with. They have the ability to change the way medical professionals, government entities, and the public in general, look at endometriosis and other chronic pelvic issues. If these institutions would start talking about the illnesses, it would open people's eyes and cause more of a change in the way these illnesses are judged and treated. I know when I was in school, I would miss 2-3 days of school every month. Between throwing up, bleeding heavy, hot and cold flashes, and the excruciating pain, there was no way that I could learn, let alone function, at school. Now a days when you miss too much school, you are sent to court and punished for truancy. If people understood more about these chronic illnesses, then we may be able to save young ladies from being punished for being ill. We could find doctors that could help young ladies live a more "normal" and productive life, and not have to miss out on school classes and activities.

It was not my goal in life to be stuck in my home writhing in pain. I didn't sit at home, as a little girl, and wish that I could stay home and be stuck in bed, on the couch, or in the bathroom. It wasn't my goal to feel like less of a person for not being able to clean my house, wash my clothes, or be a good wife to my husband. If there was a real solution out there that would allow me to actually live my life, I would jump on it in a second. It is my belief that the EndoMarch is doing everything that they can to find that solution for me and every other sufferer out there. If I can help in those efforts in any way, I am going to do it. I am not rich, famous, or even known to very many people, but I do have a brain, heart, soul, and voice. One person can help make a difference, but I consider myself one person among millions that are standing up and fighting for something that is long overdue. I am going to do my best to use what little I have to help make the EndoMarch as successful as possible. I need the goals to be met just as bad as every other woman out there that suffers from a debilitating chronic pelvic disease. I have suffered for 20 years with endometriosis and do not know how long I have had adenomyosis. I think that I have suffered long enough and deserve some answers and recognition. Anyone that has suffered for years and been made to believe that they are not deserving of help, should be recognized as being strong, stubborn, and more full of life than most. The EndoMarch has given me a renewed sense of hope and I could not be more grateful. 

Please help us all by checking out the EndoMarch website and read the stories, goals, and information about endometriosis. Help us educate the world and spread the strength and hope of every woman that is fighting like a girl. www.millionwomenmarch2014.org

Misinformation and The Care We Need

Interesting story, at least it is for me. I woke up this morning cramping and so of course I had to post something about it on Facebook. My post, "Yesterday was a good day, today is starting to be a painful one. Guess it was too much to hope that 2014 would be pain free. Oh well. I am happy with the life I have and looking forward to what this year is going to bring."

My Aunt asked about my upcoming hysterectomy and if that would make me pain free. I told her that I wished it would, but that it would really only fix one issue, my adenomyosis. Of course I could have said that it will also prevent the endometriomas from forming on my ovaries, and will keep my uterus from becoming attached to my rectum again, but I thought that was a bit much to be posting at 10:30 in the morning. I told her that there was no cure for endometriosis and having a hysterectomy and having my ovaries taken was not going to "fix" me. She then told me something that kind of shocked me. I thought I had heard it all. Nope, I hadn't. 

She said, "Well I thought endometriosis feed on the blood supply, so in other words, when you don't menstruate anymore it doesn't have any blood supply to feed off of." Color me shocked. I had not heard that before. I was kind of dumbfounded for a second or two. It was amazing to me that, number one I hadn't heard this before, and number two, that with all the information that is circulating about endometriosis, this is still so misunderstood. I told her that I would find some information, and pass it along, that could explain it better than I could.

After doing lots of research and asking several people for help, I have found quite a few resources with wonderful information. I think it is very important that we start spreading the right information, or at least the information that is more current. It is my goal to get as much information out there as I can, so that maybe we can find a cure someday. 

www.endometriosisaustralia.org/ A website that has good explanations and a good Q&A section.

www.endometriosis.org Is another really good website, with tons of explanations. Get explanations of diagnosing, treatments, and the complications that are caused from having this illness. It is a great place to get information and find a physician that specializes in endometriosis.

I think the thing that struck the largest chord with me was a message that was posted by an owner of one of the Endo support groups that I belong to on Facebook. She had posted about ob/gyn's and their lack of education, understanding, or willingness to treat endometriosis. It is very poignant and very true. Most of the misinformation that is "known" about endometriosis, is being passed around by these ob/gyn's. Please read and judge for yourself.

Below is a post made by Nancy Petersen, a nurse that has worked with women that suffer from endometriosis. She has dedicated her life to help us make sure that we have the support and resources to make informed decisions and find true specialists that can help us with our symptoms and fight our disease.

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Recently when I posted on this board that less than 100 out of the 52,000 gyns in the US had been identified as doing effective endometriosis surgery, I heard from a group of gyns who were offended by the comment. Yet as we discussed my comment, what came out were a variety of comments that support my position. They knew of "subtle appearances" and indicated that guided their practice. But some do not operate on colons, bladders, ureters or diaphragms nor did they have consultants to assist with disease in this area. some did not feel removal of mild disease was even warranted. Still some do not operate in the lower pelvis, do not refer for pelvic pt, do not refer for pelvic pain management and despite the signs and symptoms of peritoneal inflammation do not believe in pain medicine to assist with coping of peritoneal quality pain. (bloating, paleness, severe pain, slowed bowel, nausea, restlessness, rebound tenderness or painful pelvic exams). Endo causes peritoneal inflammation and there is not a med student or nursing student on the face of the earth who have not been taught to recognize peritoneal signs and symptoms. Most would treat it aggressively. Some dismiss it as just her period. Try living with appendicitis constantly, or a dozen grains of sand in your eye for a lifetime. 

To relieve pain, all disease must be removed. One has to know not only what it looks like, but where it is found. I was surprised to hear so many physicians will see it as a disease of the ovary, but statistically, the ovaries are 7th and 9th in order of frequency of involvement, not first. So knowing where disease is found is a big step toward being effective surgically. Additionally, having either surgical certifications to operate on all areas endo is found, or a stable of consultants able and willing to do so is another huge factor in outcomes. Recognizing endo lies beyond the pelvic cavity is also major. 

Today in the support groups nearly every day, I hear from women who have been castrated (total hyst) and yet have endo type symptoms. Yet they are told over and over there is no way endo can be present after a hyst. Yet there are a number of studies that show us endo can and does persist after hyst if it too has not been removed. Too often the hyst was done to treat the endo. (without excision of endo implants elsewhere). There is ample evidence that removing normal tubes, ovaries and uterus does not ease endometriosis pain nor does endo dry up and go away after castration. There are good reasons to do a hyst, but endo is not one of them, and the long term impact of hysterectomy is not offset by estrogen replacement when it comes to bones and heart. (as I understand it). 

What women seem to want is compassionate understanding of how severe the pain is, to not be told medical therapy treats endo (we know it doesn't), to not be hysterectomized for endo treatment when removing lesions skillfully works much better. If their doctor cannot do skilled excision surgery, they express a desire for referral for pelvic pt to a certified womens health therapist, and or to a surgeon doing skilled removal of disease. 

Pain management may lead to dependence, but rarely abuse, and it often allows women to get up off the couch, put their heating pad away, and get back into life. 

When we say we want effective endo surgery, we are looking at a desire for prompt diagnosis, compassionate understanding of the severity of pain, and skilled removal of disease. This comes out in the discussions every day, multiple times a day, and is critical for the industry to begin to understand. Drugs do not treat endo, most of the side effects are unpleasant to say the least, and the altered hormonal states unacceptable to most.

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The link below is where I found this statement at. You will not be able to see the post unless you are subscribed to the group, as it is a private group. I did get permission to share it on this blog.

Nancy Peterson: https://www.facebook.com/groups/418136991574617/permalink/593046580750323/

I have been to many ob/gyn's in the last 20 years (I am getting old), and it still amazes me their lack of empathy or understanding for those of us that are dying a little more with each passing cycle. It still amazes me that the misinformed are the ones that are making it so hard for those of us that are suffering, find the care that we need. 

I went on this search for information to better explain this illness to a family member. I wanted to make sure that I did not give out the wrong information. Why can't someone who has a medical degree, has more money than I, and that is supposed to treat people that suffer from this, not have the same fortitude to give out the correct information? Why is it that they are paid well for doing a half ass job? I crochet and get paid next to nothing, yet I still will undo a project 20 times if that ensures that I am getting the job done right. If I see there is one mistake, I undo it and start again. I am dealing with yarn, the ob/gyn's are dealing with people. We have feelings and are living and breathing. We are scared and living, just barely, and looking for answers. Why is it they are paid a lot to do little, while we are paid little to do a lot? 

I started this journey looking for answers to share with my family. I am so glad I did. I am glad that this was put in my path today and that I found information that is going to help me, my aunt, and other women that suffer from this illness. Maybe if we all start spreading the right information, then the Dr's will have no choice but do their jobs correctly. If you don't want to take the time to treat your patients, then it is high time you find another job. A Dr's job is all about helping people get better. The oath after all is, "First do no harm." You are harming women if you are not listening to them and helping them get the treatment that they need, for an illness that definitely hurts and harms.💛